Guts to Leave (c)

How come a guy won’t love me?
I never saw it before
But I know that not many people like me too much
I usually don’t care but it’s the fact that
I’m just not what they want
Is that true?
I don’t want to live my life alone
I’ve waited a long time and I’m missing something
I’m missing a part of life that
I would like to have
No one can really see what is up with my life
I don’t think
I can handle this
I write a lot about being alone
I write so much that no one that
I know will ever read it
I will never have that love in my life
I will be shocked of the fact
When that guy will come and pick me up
Love me like I should be loved
I don’t want someone to come into my life
And hurt me like other people have
I know I’ve never had a boyfriend
But I want a guy who will take care of me
And understand me
I would like to have my better half…
Soon
I’m tired of being alone
All the time
Please not tell me that he will be near
When someone tells me this
I have so much hope
And all that it does is bring me down
When nothing happens
I’m alone all the time
Can a guy come and comfort me?
I want a guy to be by my side
Not a dog.
I’m writing
And writing
But nothing happens
No one can help me
I should stop writing
I should go out into the world
And show my face
But I know that it can’t happen
I’m sheltered
I can’t show my face
People around me expect me to be
Someone different
This is me people
A crappy writer who doesn’t have a life
I’m a techie who can make people laugh
From backstage
I’m a goalie who can block a soccer ball
From going into the goal
I’m a listener, who will listen to every word you say
I’m dependable, who can do whatever you need when you ask
I’m back to being shy
I’m back to closing the world
I’m back to learning how to forget love
I don’t even know how to love
What am I saying?!
This is me
This is how you learn about me
By reading my stuff
By looking at my random pictures
By asking me questions
By being yourself
By knowing who you are and not realizing that you were just like me at one point
This is scary
I’ve never have been able to write about me
I always hated writing/talking about my problems
I hated the attention
That’s why I keep everything inside
That’s why no one can understand me
That’s why I can never show my real face to people
No one really knows who I am
The scary thing is
I don’t know who I am
I need to do something
I need to go somewhere
But I can’t
I can never leave
The only place I can go
Is wherever my family is
I can never go anywhere
Anymore I was finally out when I was in college
Now I’m stuck
In a place where I can’t do things
Tears fall
As I think of ways that I can leave
But never have the guts to…